...I don't think I'd ever murder someone. I think I can spread hope much better through people that live - through knowing them, speaking to them, writing for them.
[her expression is calm, collected. she means what she says, as much as he means that everything he does and sees has a purpose.]
When someone is killed, isn't that cutting off all the hope they could have spread in their lifetime? It serves my way better if they survive.
It's not silly, Adams-san! It's being a realist, if I do something wrong, your feelings will abruptly change.
( anyone's would, no one keeps the same feelings once a person puts everyone another person cares for in jeopardy. komaeda's only one person, but helena has those who she cares for more, others that have a stronger bond — komaeda's like a pill, a pick-her-up, when she's down, she's able to swallow a pill, and feel better right after. he's gone for it's only an after effect until she forgets that she ever indulged, and moved on to what matters. )
When it comes to hope... taking the blame for something I didn't do, taking part in wrong-doings, and even going as far as to act on my own. I can do anything, and you'll frown at me, won't you? You'll hate me, because compared to the thousands that you love, I'm one person who can easily be removed.
( it's him teaching her, something she should remember. )
...Is it unthinkable to you that I no more wish to remove you than you wish to remove any of the Ultimates? If, if - you speak in possibilities, but should those emerge, we shall handle things one at a time. Whatever happens, what emerges as truth, what you have done and will do.
[here is a truth about Helena - she is stubborn, when it counts. her will is strong enough to withstand a metaphorical storm, those with nothing but malice in their hearts. when it comes to Nagito, she sees a boy with good intentions and not the best way of going about them. someone who loves the world but isn't sure how to help it except by cutting pieces of himself off and setting fires. he wants to push her away, but never commits - like he's protecting himself from being left behind, thinking he needs to be solitary.]
Is it so frightening, to think that that you'd number among those I love?
( deep within the lowest stratum of his mind, if he was still like this, it is. it's brutal, painful, and even sends a shiver down his spine. )
It's dangerous.
( a storm, a fire, the world cracking in two when someone thinks to take komaeda as their ally. it's painful because exposed wounds can be considered a weakness, and ones already dressed will have their bandages ripped off to test their tolerance. there's worse than a gash, there's worse than losing someone, there's worse like being loved knowing you'll destroy them in mere seconds and can't stop them.
his prosthetic lifts to wring the wrist of his other, the yellow scarf is also a reminder of how he's part of the number, but komaeda can't handle it. it's only so long before they despise him, say his efforts were meaningless, it's only until that they exclude him, but it's fine — that's always the goal, for their hope, he doesn't mind being hated by them all.
yet, it's lonely. )
...A puzzle, one thousand pieces, it took so much time to finish it, but you learn the company gave you one stray piece that doesn't fit. It must have fell out of another box, but it's not the final piece of the puzzle that'll complete your hard work. That bad piece gives you hope thinking, "maybe I didn't clean out the box...!" So you stand up on your own two feet, you dash into your room and look for the box it came in! You're out of breath, hopeful, hoping, wanting to grab the lid to pull up above your head to check if every puzzle piece didn't drop out.
( what is he getting at with this story? ) Your heart drops, you put together that entire puzzle, but there's no end in sight. You wasted your time all because of that other stray piece that you thought was part of the group.
Your arms shake, and you're ready to lower the box. That's when something fall out from the inner lid... the exact piece that you wanted. Doesn't that make you hopeful, surprised even? Happy that you can finally finish what you've worked so hard on...?
( komaeda's that stray piece, he does things no one likes in order to see them work harder and be more hopeful, but he knows he's tossed away after the fact. )
But that piece that doesn't fit, it's still there. And because I don't lose it in the mix with the others, because it's not in the completed puzzle, I keep it. I find where I keep things I like, and I set that piece on the shelf. So I can find it, again and again, and delight in it. That's if I don't turn it into a necklace and keep it close that way, or put it in the pocket over my heart.
[because she is herself, and because things that are not quite fitting in aren't immediately worthy of disposal. she gets his point, that he'd push another to exert themselves to find the best solution, the best outcome, but does that mean that his role is over? no. it does not mean he is not still cherished for his existence alone. she's made her decision, and even if others think it silly, the more adamant she becomes, the more compassion flows out.
she can tell when loneliness clings to someone, sticky as tree sap and as difficult to remove. and Nagito has tipped his hand, over and over again. because he cares, he pushes away. because he cares, he does things that others will not, cannot. his words are a maze to some, but to a mind that has spent years surrounding herself with metaphor and allusion and details, they are as easy as if they were spelled out beneath her hands.]
Because I want to enjoy it for its own sake. For the fact that it exists at all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[her expression is calm, collected. she means what she says, as much as he means that everything he does and sees has a purpose.]
When someone is killed, isn't that cutting off all the hope they could have spread in their lifetime? It serves my way better if they survive.
no subject
( with a few steps forward, he wraps his arms around his own waist as he thinks about it. )
Let's say... I was important to you.
( idle chit chat, nothing too big, but nothing too small as he tries to drive his point. )
If I died, you'd carry on my hopes, wouldn't you?
no subject
[to inspire people, to bring them up and higher. it feeds itself in a wonderful circle, but still - the way he says it?]
Still, Komaeda, you're being a little silly - you are important to me. Nothing theoretical about it.
no subject
( anyone's would, no one keeps the same feelings once a person puts everyone another person cares for in jeopardy. komaeda's only one person, but helena has those who she cares for more, others that have a stronger bond — komaeda's like a pill, a pick-her-up, when she's down, she's able to swallow a pill, and feel better right after. he's gone for it's only an after effect until she forgets that she ever indulged, and moved on to what matters. )
When it comes to hope... taking the blame for something I didn't do, taking part in wrong-doings, and even going as far as to act on my own. I can do anything, and you'll frown at me, won't you? You'll hate me, because compared to the thousands that you love, I'm one person who can easily be removed.
( it's him teaching her, something she should remember. )
no subject
[here is a truth about Helena - she is stubborn, when it counts. her will is strong enough to withstand a metaphorical storm, those with nothing but malice in their hearts. when it comes to Nagito, she sees a boy with good intentions and not the best way of going about them. someone who loves the world but isn't sure how to help it except by cutting pieces of himself off and setting fires. he wants to push her away, but never commits - like he's protecting himself from being left behind, thinking he needs to be solitary.]
Is it so frightening, to think that that you'd number among those I love?
no subject
( deep within the lowest stratum of his mind, if he was still like this, it is. it's brutal, painful, and even sends a shiver down his spine. )
It's dangerous.
( a storm, a fire, the world cracking in two when someone thinks to take komaeda as their ally. it's painful because exposed wounds can be considered a weakness, and ones already dressed will have their bandages ripped off to test their tolerance. there's worse than a gash, there's worse than losing someone, there's worse like being loved knowing you'll destroy them in mere seconds and can't stop them.
his prosthetic lifts to wring the wrist of his other, the yellow scarf is also a reminder of how he's part of the number, but komaeda can't handle it. it's only so long before they despise him, say his efforts were meaningless, it's only until that they exclude him, but it's fine — that's always the goal, for their hope, he doesn't mind being hated by them all.
yet, it's lonely. )
...A puzzle, one thousand pieces, it took so much time to finish it, but you learn the company gave you one stray piece that doesn't fit. It must have fell out of another box, but it's not the final piece of the puzzle that'll complete your hard work. That bad piece gives you hope thinking, "maybe I didn't clean out the box...!" So you stand up on your own two feet, you dash into your room and look for the box it came in! You're out of breath, hopeful, hoping, wanting to grab the lid to pull up above your head to check if every puzzle piece didn't drop out.
( what is he getting at with this story? ) Your heart drops, you put together that entire puzzle, but there's no end in sight. You wasted your time all because of that other stray piece that you thought was part of the group.
Your arms shake, and you're ready to lower the box. That's when something fall out from the inner lid... the exact piece that you wanted. Doesn't that make you hopeful, surprised even? Happy that you can finally finish what you've worked so hard on...?
( komaeda's that stray piece, he does things no one likes in order to see them work harder and be more hopeful, but he knows he's tossed away after the fact. )
no subject
[because she is herself, and because things that are not quite fitting in aren't immediately worthy of disposal. she gets his point, that he'd push another to exert themselves to find the best solution, the best outcome, but does that mean that his role is over? no. it does not mean he is not still cherished for his existence alone. she's made her decision, and even if others think it silly, the more adamant she becomes, the more compassion flows out.
she can tell when loneliness clings to someone, sticky as tree sap and as difficult to remove. and Nagito has tipped his hand, over and over again. because he cares, he pushes away. because he cares, he does things that others will not, cannot. his words are a maze to some, but to a mind that has spent years surrounding herself with metaphor and allusion and details, they are as easy as if they were spelled out beneath her hands.]
Because I want to enjoy it for its own sake. For the fact that it exists at all.