( it's with bright eyes and a kind smile that maple decides to check in on her friend again, finding her wherever she may happen to be in the school with a warm expression as she closes the distance between the two of them. she still comes to a stop at a polite distance, but it's easy to tell from the way she clasps her hands in front of her that she's in a rather cheerful mood today. )
Hiyori told me that your legs are healing well and, with some practice, you should be on your feet just like before. Isn't that exciting?
[working on her program is a good way to forget about her situation and how impossibly frustrating it is. she longs to run, to scream in the forest, to hike up a mountain, but she knows she promised to behave and that her legs would give out if she pushed them too hard. both are compelling reasons to stay where she is.
hearing Maple's voice, though, something in her retreats, goes subdued again. like a wound prodded so that it sends another jolt of pain through her, and makes her go quieter. surely, Maple still...]
I'm very glad to hear of it. I'm going to do my best to ensure I follow his care to the utmost.
[carefully, she folds her hands on her lap. all of her attitude is polite, but it carries the air of someone shrinking back, trying not to offend in any way.]
( it isn't as if helena has done something wrong with such a reaction, but still, it does trouble maple to watch as she draws into herself in such a manner. she isn't dense. being attentive to your partner is they key to having a good conversation after all, so when helena's demeanour seems to shrink at the greeting, a troubled look passes over maple's features. her tightly clasped hands loosen a little, lowering down until she's holding them in front of her skirt, brushing against the fabric as she tilts her head. )
I was hoping to talk with you, Helena. It's been some time, and I missed our conversations.
( there's a moment's hesitation before she continues. )
( because maple can't imagine the reason. it's true that she had needed to draw a certain line with helena earlier, but such a thing is needed in any relationship — making sure that the other knows your boundaries. it's hardly a reason to take offense and withdraw into herself as helena so has, so maple wonders if there must not be something more to it. )
Because I was cruel to you. I injured you greatly, did I not?
[and why would you talk to someone who hurt you like that? or at least, still call them a friend? even though she talks to people who have been downright vicious to her, she doesn't immediately call them a friend for a casual chat.]
Of course. What you said that time was very cruel of you.
( because maple... is very direct, when she needs to be, and because helena still doesn't seem to understand the circumstances of maple's words in quite the way that was intended. there's a momentary pause, but she continues before long, shaking her head. it's helena, after all — it isn't as if maple doesn't want to be her friend if they possibly can be. that's why she wants to give the other girl the benefit of the doubt. )
But I don't think you meant for your words to be hurtful, Helena. That's why I told you that they were — so that you wouldn't say them again, to somebody who may not have that faith in you.
( like ranger. imagine if she had called ranger sub-human. that one doesn't need a reminder of that, honestly, and maple can't see such a thing ending well. )
[in that pause, Helena retreats further, a mix of guilt and shame around her. why then would Maple want to speak to her? it's like Dr. Sunny had said - If you wish to protect them, you have to expose more of your odious nature so they feel the need not to fight in your stead. she has to be odious, hateful - why does it need to come out at Maple?
it will destroy her, when she has to be alone. when she has to stand alone and be despised. but it is necessary, for everyone else.
still, Maple continues, and Helena listens, because what else can she do? what can she say now that doesn't sound utterly pathetic? I didn't mean it - a child says that, not a young lady who strives to poetry. she has nothing to say in her own defense, against this openness - it would be simpler if Maple had merely skewered her where she sat.]
( it's fair, honestly, that helena would respond in such a way — unfortunately, that doesn't mean that maple has to understand it completely. she understands that helena is still upset. she understands that there's a wall between them. the reason why is what escapes her; isn't it maple's right to be angry and set the boundaries surrounding this? isn't it her right just the same that she can decide that it's something they can move past even so? she allows the silence to hang in the air for a long moment, waiting to see if helena will speak up again, but...
... )
As long as you apologize, Helena, I'll forgive you.
( so there's no need to linger in self-pity like this. )
...of course I want to apologize. I do, and I still want to be your friend.
[but there had been that fear that even apologizing, she would have been shoved away. whatever fragile peace she had, she wanted to keep, and so the idea of apologizing she leaps to, holds out her hand and tries to grasp it before the chance to earn forgiveness slips through her hands.]
I'm so, so sorry, Maple.
[this is her fault. this is a mark against her. she'll have to bear it up and atone - but that's something she'll have to get used to. even if she is sinking into herself, she can still apologize from the bottom of her heart.]
It's alright. We're friends, after all. I only wanted for you to think about the implications of the things you were saying.
( which, to her, it's a harmless gesture. the rest — well, it isn't that she'd been particularly fond of it, but it hadn't been something that would so seriously stain her opinion of someone who has only treated her with kindness up until this point. to ensure that helena does care, and that her kindness is sincere, that's all that maple minds in this situation. with the confirmation, her voice softens, sweet and cheerful as she claps her hands lightly together. )
With that out of the way, there's nothing to worry about, right?
[the rest, she chokes back like bitter tea, swallowing it back down inside herself. the shame, the shame - she'll just have to watch her tongue, and say milder things.
there's one flicker of protest in her, though, one aching, stinging thread, and it makes her speak before she can swallow that down too, another needle in her throat.]
You see... the way you spoke, it sounded like you thought less of me because I'm a doll.
( it began from the reassurance offered to her in something where she lacked no confidence, but really, the problem only began to get under maple's skin after the fact. )
When you asked me if I only loved Hiyori because he made me, and then when you asked if Hiyori had stopped loving me, even when I told you he did... I don't think you meant to hurt me, Helena, but you did. It sounded as if you were asking, "Why would he continue to love a machine?"
( she pauses here, only for a moment as she laces her fingers, looking down at them with an unhappy expression. )
I understand that my life may not mean as much to others as a human's, but I'm no less a person. To hear that coming from someone who I consider a friend...
That's not what I meant in the slightest. Not at all.
[and Maple will see on her face absolute honesty, coupled with the shame of speaking such to someone who was nothing but kind to her.]
I do not think less of you at all for you being a doll - there is no earthly reason in my mind why I should. You are a person whose kindness and care I greatly value, and in no way was that meant. I can only offer that there were no hidden intentions, that my questions came from curiosity, from wondering how you experience love, when I know nothing of it - how your lived experience varied from the accounts I read about. They were ill-spoken, though, and I cannot alter that.
I was...I am ignorant, and all I can do is sincerely apologize.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hlelo
( it's with bright eyes and a kind smile that maple decides to check in on her friend again, finding her wherever she may happen to be in the school with a warm expression as she closes the distance between the two of them. she still comes to a stop at a polite distance, but it's easy to tell from the way she clasps her hands in front of her that she's in a rather cheerful mood today. )
Hiyori told me that your legs are healing well and, with some practice, you should be on your feet just like before. Isn't that exciting?
no subject
hearing Maple's voice, though, something in her retreats, goes subdued again. like a wound prodded so that it sends another jolt of pain through her, and makes her go quieter. surely, Maple still...]
I'm very glad to hear of it. I'm going to do my best to ensure I follow his care to the utmost.
[carefully, she folds her hands on her lap. all of her attitude is polite, but it carries the air of someone shrinking back, trying not to offend in any way.]
Is there something I can do for you, Maple?
no subject
I was hoping to talk with you, Helena. It's been some time, and I missed our conversations.
( there's a moment's hesitation before she continues. )
Do you not want to...?
no subject
[a little hesitation. the rabbit, peering out from its burrow, unsure if it hears friend or foe.]
I assumed you wouldn't wish to speak to me anymore.
[you know. because she's a cruel girl. a wicked liar. someone who hurt others.]
no subject
( because maple can't imagine the reason. it's true that she had needed to draw a certain line with helena earlier, but such a thing is needed in any relationship — making sure that the other knows your boundaries. it's hardly a reason to take offense and withdraw into herself as helena so has, so maple wonders if there must not be something more to it. )
We're friends aren't we, Helena? You can tell me.
no subject
[and why would you talk to someone who hurt you like that? or at least, still call them a friend? even though she talks to people who have been downright vicious to her, she doesn't immediately call them a friend for a casual chat.]
no subject
( because maple... is very direct, when she needs to be, and because helena still doesn't seem to understand the circumstances of maple's words in quite the way that was intended. there's a momentary pause, but she continues before long, shaking her head. it's helena, after all — it isn't as if maple doesn't want to be her friend if they possibly can be. that's why she wants to give the other girl the benefit of the doubt. )
But I don't think you meant for your words to be hurtful, Helena. That's why I told you that they were — so that you wouldn't say them again, to somebody who may not have that faith in you.
( like ranger. imagine if she had called ranger sub-human. that one doesn't need a reminder of that, honestly, and maple can't see such a thing ending well. )
no subject
it will destroy her, when she has to be alone. when she has to stand alone and be despised. but it is necessary, for everyone else.
still, Maple continues, and Helena listens, because what else can she do? what can she say now that doesn't sound utterly pathetic? I didn't mean it - a child says that, not a young lady who strives to poetry. she has nothing to say in her own defense, against this openness - it would be simpler if Maple had merely skewered her where she sat.]
no subject
( it's fair, honestly, that helena would respond in such a way — unfortunately, that doesn't mean that maple has to understand it completely. she understands that helena is still upset. she understands that there's a wall between them. the reason why is what escapes her; isn't it maple's right to be angry and set the boundaries surrounding this? isn't it her right just the same that she can decide that it's something they can move past even so? she allows the silence to hang in the air for a long moment, waiting to see if helena will speak up again, but...
... )
As long as you apologize, Helena, I'll forgive you.
( so there's no need to linger in self-pity like this. )
no subject
[but there had been that fear that even apologizing, she would have been shoved away. whatever fragile peace she had, she wanted to keep, and so the idea of apologizing she leaps to, holds out her hand and tries to grasp it before the chance to earn forgiveness slips through her hands.]
I'm so, so sorry, Maple.
[this is her fault. this is a mark against her. she'll have to bear it up and atone - but that's something she'll have to get used to. even if she is sinking into herself, she can still apologize from the bottom of her heart.]
no subject
( which, to her, it's a harmless gesture. the rest — well, it isn't that she'd been particularly fond of it, but it hadn't been something that would so seriously stain her opinion of someone who has only treated her with kindness up until this point. to ensure that helena does care, and that her kindness is sincere, that's all that maple minds in this situation. with the confirmation, her voice softens, sweet and cheerful as she claps her hands lightly together. )
With that out of the way, there's nothing to worry about, right?
no subject
[the rest, she chokes back like bitter tea, swallowing it back down inside herself. the shame, the shame - she'll just have to watch her tongue, and say milder things.
there's one flicker of protest in her, though, one aching, stinging thread, and it makes her speak before she can swallow that down too, another needle in her throat.]
May I ask something about...what I was saying?
no subject
( it began from the reassurance offered to her in something where she lacked no confidence, but really, the problem only began to get under maple's skin after the fact. )
When you asked me if I only loved Hiyori because he made me, and then when you asked if Hiyori had stopped loving me, even when I told you he did... I don't think you meant to hurt me, Helena, but you did. It sounded as if you were asking, "Why would he continue to love a machine?"
( she pauses here, only for a moment as she laces her fingers, looking down at them with an unhappy expression. )
I understand that my life may not mean as much to others as a human's, but I'm no less a person. To hear that coming from someone who I consider a friend...
no subject
[she says her name softly, sadly, but heartfelt.]
That's not what I meant in the slightest. Not at all.
[and Maple will see on her face absolute honesty, coupled with the shame of speaking such to someone who was nothing but kind to her.]
I do not think less of you at all for you being a doll - there is no earthly reason in my mind why I should. You are a person whose kindness and care I greatly value, and in no way was that meant. I can only offer that there were no hidden intentions, that my questions came from curiosity, from wondering how you experience love, when I know nothing of it - how your lived experience varied from the accounts I read about. They were ill-spoken, though, and I cannot alter that.
I was...I am ignorant, and all I can do is sincerely apologize.