( he's been busy investigating with the group, or with what they've brought to the meeting, and so it's easy to understand what's going on. komaeda has his underlying suspicions, but he figures that they can come to the same idea that he has. with a shrug of his shoulders, he's walking away from the photographs that lack the vice principal, and only has maya's, which is a shame. they should have every piece of the body, why are they lacking vital evidence?
he breaks away, walking past a few people until he stops, looking at a few familiar faces until his eyes drop down to helena's hand. she's not holding her cane, but her grip on the stylus makes him just as curious. )
Having fun?
( though he asks, he can see this flickering light that goes back and forth, disappears, and goes back and forth again. to watch someone's aura scream without the person actually doing so is interesting, and so he waits for her answer. )
[her grip relaxes a little with Nagito's voice - someone she knows, someone she trusts. to him, she can speak honestly enough.]
I'm just record keeping so that if people miss things later, we'll have a source that's not just Dynamo recording. Though right now it seems like people are walking in circles...what's the phrase, to miss the forest for the trees?
That so? Then it'd be a waste of time to write down the same information. They're not too bright, but... they won't be satisfied until it makes sense to them.
( they're as incomprehensible as anyone else, but they feel there's progress as long as they talk. the important pieces haven't shown themselves yet, and so they walk blindly until there's a hole underfoot and they fall though.
though, it's always darkest before dawn. that said, he doesn't excuse any of their faults, either. so as they stumble along, they can come back just at the crack of it, and perhaps they'll be something to work with.
or just not come back at all. )
Leave it to Dynamo and Riokun, because there's a difference between you all. You need a break, they don't. Want to go out?
Do you think it'll be alright? The girl who called this meeting seemed pretty insistent that we weren't leaving...
[which had set her on edge somewhat, but she'd managed to keep it together. still, at the idea of going out, there's more light in her expression. yes, she definitely wants to take a break.
though she'd argue that Mr. Ranger definitely does need a break himself from time to time...]
( he corrects, which is rare from him unless he's speaking about an ultimate. that might key helena in on if this person means anything to komaeda or not. )
I'm removing you from this endeavor, so I'm sure she won't mind scum like me doing so.
( with a smile, he leans forward to pat helena on the side of her arms in his attempt to help her up. he would have done hands had it not been for what she was holding on to keep herself sane. )
If not, all it takes is wiring a few bombs underneath this dormitory. I don't mind destroying what I made, so let's go...!
[Miss Akamatsu. noted, that it's someone Nagito wants to name.
tucking her supplies away, it's not a moment too soon for her to stand and gather her cane. some voice is asking about searching people's belongings, and her skin crawls a little.]
Let's not do that today. I don't have proper protection for my ears, and you remember what it was like the last time a building got destroyed around me.
[reason operates not in the "why would you blow up a dorm, Nagito" and instead in a sensible, practical reason why not to while also going along with him.]
This time, you can lead the way - there's nowhere I won't go with you.
( he doesn't attempt to talk about bombing the place when she's willing to come along, and it's easy to help her up, and give a small wave as he shows they're dismissing themselves. anyone could stop them, but komaeda would complain, and find some way to get them out without staying in place. no different from when rika was here, he would indulge in nasty behavior, using it against those around him, and normally it worked; or people got angry, someone wasn't going to be happy. )
I know! Adams-san has always gone with me everywhere! I'm curious, what do you think of this murder?
( he taps his chin, remaining by her side as they take a turn so he can walk her outside yet again. he does think of offering his coat so that she can remain warm in the cool air. )
I think it's actually delightful, I've never seen Hiyori-kun work so hard.
( it must sound horrible considering who maya is to natsume, but no matter the relationship, they have to look past that; there's just more than a death. that was a stepping stone that'll motivate the group to a certain destination, and as he chuckles happily, he looks at helena's face wondering what expression she'll make.
[she keeps her expression carefully contained - while she wasn't happy about the murder, and she knew it would be a blow to Natsume insomuch that Maya is his friend, she knows how to translate what Komaeda is asking her. not that death itself was delightful, but the hard work that some people would put in to solve it - that was the source of his joy in truth.]
I...don't know what to think. I think there's parts of this we're not privy to, and it's leading us up many paths. Certainly we're putting our minds to it, but there's elements that don't add up.
[her arm that's not leading with her cane wraps around her against the cold.]
There are some thoughts I have, but to say them aloud...I'll wait until I'm sure none but you will hear.
( his brow raises as he looks down at helena, is there something they aren't privy too? he thinks back to some of the conversation, he thought it was all there, but for some it must be difficult considering komaeda noticed how shin tried to hide the piece about the hairs. it would be difficult if everyone doesn't have the same amount of information, but he knows that's not what she means.
with his other hand, he's cupping his chin in thought as they walk at their own pace. )
Hm... Everything will make sense in time, as long as minds are put together. Someone will mention an alternative no one else thought of, that's why I'm fond of these mysteries.
( it gives room to grow, for a person to realize their actions mean more when they aren't idly standing by, but he leans down a little so that locks of hair hair tickle her cheek. his ear nearby so she can whisper. )
Mmm, alright. Once we're far enough, you can whisper it to me.
[she nods, and waits until she thinks they've left them far enough behind. no one is following, so she can speak freely.]
What are we going to do if the murderer isn't found? It's happened before - and it was lost in the mist of other killers - and I doubt they will let this go so easily. A very, very slim chance. But I'd like to think of all the possibilities that might occur, and so far, no one has brought this up. Or what we might do if we find them.
The Akira's were weak, due to lacking hope, their life was snipped away; there's no need for such miniscule hope among the group. Though, they became the proper stepping stone. Not many people notice, but you see what happens when a case goes unsolved... but unsolvable murders do exist.
( does komaeda believe this murder they have now is unsolvable? no, it takes a bit of thinking, day in and day out, grooming one's brain to see if there's any relation to the body and who could have done it. they've ruled out so many things that komaeda believed he should have examined the body himself — it's not fire magic, but maybe it is fire magic, it's not poison or maybe is chlorine in vapor form. it goes back and forth, and it's not a good look for those who wait for a verdict.
komaeda has never liked waiting. )
When you do find out who it is, due to how many of us remain... will you accuse them properly, or will you turn a blind eye?
( in komaeda's case, if it's an ultimate, he's obligated by love to let them go, to hype up their efforts, and speak of how strong their hope is. the chance to praise for the person that he cares for. in the end, he finds this to be a hopeful murder, and if rokkun ever comes to pass, hopefully his death too will be. )
It'd be kind of my duty to accuse, wouldn't it? Although...what does that do for us in the end? Tell us that someone is a murderer? Heaven knows we have enough of them, and some are shameless about it.
[those who flaunt their kills, or confess to them. and they were still in the group, and the most people could do would be to hold them with suspicion, to keep them at arm's length.]
Hm, it's whatever you all make of it. Let's say, I'm the murderer, it is true... all everyone will do is ignore me, pretend I don't exist. Even though I do everything for hope, to watch the group come together. You all may not see what comes from it, but I do.
( but he'll be punished for that by that being all they can do, but komaeda's weak, they can take advantage of him, they can kill him. fighting back is difficult, and all he can do is accept what they do.
there's weakness in this group since they're unable to take care of that person — do they think killing's beneath them all? they're capable. )
What would be the perfect punishment for me, Adams-san? If you could choose.
Hmmm...if you were the murderer, and I couldn't see anything in your killing, and really wanted to punish you? You've already admitted it.
[it was simple.]
I'd put you in the void, and take away your methods to get out. You wouldn't be able to see the group and watch our hope anymore - it would be an endless span of time where all you could do would be to wait until someone took mercy on you and released you from that place. To deny you what you seek to view in us, and therefore actually take away something you wanted.
[pause.]
But, I think if you were killing, there would be a reason to it, and a purpose to be found. So I would never do that to you, or let it be done to you.
( stuck in the void, in an empty wasteland where time never moves, but he'd be alone. he tries to think of it as a punishment, the way she speaks about how he can see nothing that they do, or even watch them grow.
it's interesting because all he needs is a mirror, how would the crack them all? or would they constantly throw him back into the void once he came to, and would he have bled out by that time?
hope is all he has, but such a punishment sounds interesting if it could be done. he thinks on it, trying to imagine how he's feel until she speaks again, and his eyes dart down to look at her. )
...Saying things like that.
( he hesitates a bit, looking back up now. people who are capable of saying such things about him especially when he's disliked; it's hard to accept. )
There's purpose in everything I do, take part in, see, make happen by accident. If you murdered, Adams-san, it'd be interesting to see the sort of hope you'd spread.
...I don't think I'd ever murder someone. I think I can spread hope much better through people that live - through knowing them, speaking to them, writing for them.
[her expression is calm, collected. she means what she says, as much as he means that everything he does and sees has a purpose.]
When someone is killed, isn't that cutting off all the hope they could have spread in their lifetime? It serves my way better if they survive.
It's not silly, Adams-san! It's being a realist, if I do something wrong, your feelings will abruptly change.
( anyone's would, no one keeps the same feelings once a person puts everyone another person cares for in jeopardy. komaeda's only one person, but helena has those who she cares for more, others that have a stronger bond — komaeda's like a pill, a pick-her-up, when she's down, she's able to swallow a pill, and feel better right after. he's gone for it's only an after effect until she forgets that she ever indulged, and moved on to what matters. )
When it comes to hope... taking the blame for something I didn't do, taking part in wrong-doings, and even going as far as to act on my own. I can do anything, and you'll frown at me, won't you? You'll hate me, because compared to the thousands that you love, I'm one person who can easily be removed.
( it's him teaching her, something she should remember. )
...Is it unthinkable to you that I no more wish to remove you than you wish to remove any of the Ultimates? If, if - you speak in possibilities, but should those emerge, we shall handle things one at a time. Whatever happens, what emerges as truth, what you have done and will do.
[here is a truth about Helena - she is stubborn, when it counts. her will is strong enough to withstand a metaphorical storm, those with nothing but malice in their hearts. when it comes to Nagito, she sees a boy with good intentions and not the best way of going about them. someone who loves the world but isn't sure how to help it except by cutting pieces of himself off and setting fires. he wants to push her away, but never commits - like he's protecting himself from being left behind, thinking he needs to be solitary.]
Is it so frightening, to think that that you'd number among those I love?
( deep within the lowest stratum of his mind, if he was still like this, it is. it's brutal, painful, and even sends a shiver down his spine. )
It's dangerous.
( a storm, a fire, the world cracking in two when someone thinks to take komaeda as their ally. it's painful because exposed wounds can be considered a weakness, and ones already dressed will have their bandages ripped off to test their tolerance. there's worse than a gash, there's worse than losing someone, there's worse like being loved knowing you'll destroy them in mere seconds and can't stop them.
his prosthetic lifts to wring the wrist of his other, the yellow scarf is also a reminder of how he's part of the number, but komaeda can't handle it. it's only so long before they despise him, say his efforts were meaningless, it's only until that they exclude him, but it's fine — that's always the goal, for their hope, he doesn't mind being hated by them all.
yet, it's lonely. )
...A puzzle, one thousand pieces, it took so much time to finish it, but you learn the company gave you one stray piece that doesn't fit. It must have fell out of another box, but it's not the final piece of the puzzle that'll complete your hard work. That bad piece gives you hope thinking, "maybe I didn't clean out the box...!" So you stand up on your own two feet, you dash into your room and look for the box it came in! You're out of breath, hopeful, hoping, wanting to grab the lid to pull up above your head to check if every puzzle piece didn't drop out.
( what is he getting at with this story? ) Your heart drops, you put together that entire puzzle, but there's no end in sight. You wasted your time all because of that other stray piece that you thought was part of the group.
Your arms shake, and you're ready to lower the box. That's when something fall out from the inner lid... the exact piece that you wanted. Doesn't that make you hopeful, surprised even? Happy that you can finally finish what you've worked so hard on...?
( komaeda's that stray piece, he does things no one likes in order to see them work harder and be more hopeful, but he knows he's tossed away after the fact. )
But that piece that doesn't fit, it's still there. And because I don't lose it in the mix with the others, because it's not in the completed puzzle, I keep it. I find where I keep things I like, and I set that piece on the shelf. So I can find it, again and again, and delight in it. That's if I don't turn it into a necklace and keep it close that way, or put it in the pocket over my heart.
[because she is herself, and because things that are not quite fitting in aren't immediately worthy of disposal. she gets his point, that he'd push another to exert themselves to find the best solution, the best outcome, but does that mean that his role is over? no. it does not mean he is not still cherished for his existence alone. she's made her decision, and even if others think it silly, the more adamant she becomes, the more compassion flows out.
she can tell when loneliness clings to someone, sticky as tree sap and as difficult to remove. and Nagito has tipped his hand, over and over again. because he cares, he pushes away. because he cares, he does things that others will not, cannot. his words are a maze to some, but to a mind that has spent years surrounding herself with metaphor and allusion and details, they are as easy as if they were spelled out beneath her hands.]
Because I want to enjoy it for its own sake. For the fact that it exists at all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
( he's been busy investigating with the group, or with what they've brought to the meeting, and so it's easy to understand what's going on. komaeda has his underlying suspicions, but he figures that they can come to the same idea that he has. with a shrug of his shoulders, he's walking away from the photographs that lack the vice principal, and only has maya's, which is a shame. they should have every piece of the body, why are they lacking vital evidence?
he breaks away, walking past a few people until he stops, looking at a few familiar faces until his eyes drop down to helena's hand. she's not holding her cane, but her grip on the stylus makes him just as curious. )
Having fun?
( though he asks, he can see this flickering light that goes back and forth, disappears, and goes back and forth again. to watch someone's aura scream without the person actually doing so is interesting, and so he waits for her answer. )
no subject
[her grip relaxes a little with Nagito's voice - someone she knows, someone she trusts. to him, she can speak honestly enough.]
I'm just record keeping so that if people miss things later, we'll have a source that's not just Dynamo recording. Though right now it seems like people are walking in circles...what's the phrase, to miss the forest for the trees?
no subject
( they're as incomprehensible as anyone else, but they feel there's progress as long as they talk. the important pieces haven't shown themselves yet, and so they walk blindly until there's a hole underfoot and they fall though.
though, it's always darkest before dawn. that said, he doesn't excuse any of their faults, either. so as they stumble along, they can come back just at the crack of it, and perhaps they'll be something to work with.
or just not come back at all. )
Leave it to Dynamo and Riokun, because there's a difference between you all. You need a break, they don't. Want to go out?
no subject
[which had set her on edge somewhat, but she'd managed to keep it together. still, at the idea of going out, there's more light in her expression. yes, she definitely wants to take a break.
though she'd argue that Mr. Ranger definitely does need a break himself from time to time...]
no subject
( he corrects, which is rare from him unless he's speaking about an ultimate. that might key helena in on if this person means anything to komaeda or not. )
I'm removing you from this endeavor, so I'm sure she won't mind scum like me doing so.
( with a smile, he leans forward to pat helena on the side of her arms in his attempt to help her up. he would have done hands had it not been for what she was holding on to keep herself sane. )
If not, all it takes is wiring a few bombs underneath this dormitory. I don't mind destroying what I made, so let's go...!
no subject
tucking her supplies away, it's not a moment too soon for her to stand and gather her cane. some voice is asking about searching people's belongings, and her skin crawls a little.]
Let's not do that today. I don't have proper protection for my ears, and you remember what it was like the last time a building got destroyed around me.
[reason operates not in the "why would you blow up a dorm, Nagito" and instead in a sensible, practical reason why not to while also going along with him.]
This time, you can lead the way - there's nowhere I won't go with you.
no subject
( he doesn't attempt to talk about bombing the place when she's willing to come along, and it's easy to help her up, and give a small wave as he shows they're dismissing themselves. anyone could stop them, but komaeda would complain, and find some way to get them out without staying in place. no different from when rika was here, he would indulge in nasty behavior, using it against those around him, and normally it worked; or people got angry, someone wasn't going to be happy. )
I know! Adams-san has always gone with me everywhere! I'm curious, what do you think of this murder?
( he taps his chin, remaining by her side as they take a turn so he can walk her outside yet again. he does think of offering his coat so that she can remain warm in the cool air. )
I think it's actually delightful, I've never seen Hiyori-kun work so hard.
( it must sound horrible considering who maya is to natsume, but no matter the relationship, they have to look past that; there's just more than a death. that was a stepping stone that'll motivate the group to a certain destination, and as he chuckles happily, he looks at helena's face wondering what expression she'll make.
not everyone is happy about loss. )
no subject
I...don't know what to think. I think there's parts of this we're not privy to, and it's leading us up many paths. Certainly we're putting our minds to it, but there's elements that don't add up.
[her arm that's not leading with her cane wraps around her against the cold.]
There are some thoughts I have, but to say them aloud...I'll wait until I'm sure none but you will hear.
no subject
with his other hand, he's cupping his chin in thought as they walk at their own pace. )
Hm... Everything will make sense in time, as long as minds are put together. Someone will mention an alternative no one else thought of, that's why I'm fond of these mysteries.
( it gives room to grow, for a person to realize their actions mean more when they aren't idly standing by, but he leans down a little so that locks of hair hair tickle her cheek. his ear nearby so she can whisper. )
Mmm, alright. Once we're far enough, you can whisper it to me.
no subject
What are we going to do if the murderer isn't found? It's happened before - and it was lost in the mist of other killers - and I doubt they will let this go so easily. A very, very slim chance. But I'd like to think of all the possibilities that might occur, and so far, no one has brought this up. Or what we might do if we find them.
no subject
( does komaeda believe this murder they have now is unsolvable? no, it takes a bit of thinking, day in and day out, grooming one's brain to see if there's any relation to the body and who could have done it. they've ruled out so many things that komaeda believed he should have examined the body himself — it's not fire magic, but maybe it is fire magic, it's not poison or maybe is chlorine in vapor form. it goes back and forth, and it's not a good look for those who wait for a verdict.
komaeda has never liked waiting. )
When you do find out who it is, due to how many of us remain... will you accuse them properly, or will you turn a blind eye?
( in komaeda's case, if it's an ultimate, he's obligated by love to let them go, to hype up their efforts, and speak of how strong their hope is. the chance to praise for the person that he cares for. in the end, he finds this to be a hopeful murder, and if rokkun ever comes to pass, hopefully his death too will be. )
no subject
[those who flaunt their kills, or confess to them. and they were still in the group, and the most people could do would be to hold them with suspicion, to keep them at arm's length.]
no subject
( but he'll be punished for that by that being all they can do, but komaeda's weak, they can take advantage of him, they can kill him. fighting back is difficult, and all he can do is accept what they do.
there's weakness in this group since they're unable to take care of that person — do they think killing's beneath them all? they're capable. )
What would be the perfect punishment for me, Adams-san? If you could choose.
no subject
[it was simple.]
I'd put you in the void, and take away your methods to get out. You wouldn't be able to see the group and watch our hope anymore - it would be an endless span of time where all you could do would be to wait until someone took mercy on you and released you from that place. To deny you what you seek to view in us, and therefore actually take away something you wanted.
[pause.]
But, I think if you were killing, there would be a reason to it, and a purpose to be found. So I would never do that to you, or let it be done to you.
[that's how strong her faith is in Nagito.]
no subject
it's interesting because all he needs is a mirror, how would the crack them all? or would they constantly throw him back into the void once he came to, and would he have bled out by that time?
hope is all he has, but such a punishment sounds interesting if it could be done. he thinks on it, trying to imagine how he's feel until she speaks again, and his eyes dart down to look at her. )
...Saying things like that.
( he hesitates a bit, looking back up now. people who are capable of saying such things about him especially when he's disliked; it's hard to accept. )
There's purpose in everything I do, take part in, see, make happen by accident. If you murdered, Adams-san, it'd be interesting to see the sort of hope you'd spread.
no subject
[her expression is calm, collected. she means what she says, as much as he means that everything he does and sees has a purpose.]
When someone is killed, isn't that cutting off all the hope they could have spread in their lifetime? It serves my way better if they survive.
no subject
( with a few steps forward, he wraps his arms around his own waist as he thinks about it. )
Let's say... I was important to you.
( idle chit chat, nothing too big, but nothing too small as he tries to drive his point. )
If I died, you'd carry on my hopes, wouldn't you?
no subject
[to inspire people, to bring them up and higher. it feeds itself in a wonderful circle, but still - the way he says it?]
Still, Komaeda, you're being a little silly - you are important to me. Nothing theoretical about it.
no subject
( anyone's would, no one keeps the same feelings once a person puts everyone another person cares for in jeopardy. komaeda's only one person, but helena has those who she cares for more, others that have a stronger bond — komaeda's like a pill, a pick-her-up, when she's down, she's able to swallow a pill, and feel better right after. he's gone for it's only an after effect until she forgets that she ever indulged, and moved on to what matters. )
When it comes to hope... taking the blame for something I didn't do, taking part in wrong-doings, and even going as far as to act on my own. I can do anything, and you'll frown at me, won't you? You'll hate me, because compared to the thousands that you love, I'm one person who can easily be removed.
( it's him teaching her, something she should remember. )
no subject
[here is a truth about Helena - she is stubborn, when it counts. her will is strong enough to withstand a metaphorical storm, those with nothing but malice in their hearts. when it comes to Nagito, she sees a boy with good intentions and not the best way of going about them. someone who loves the world but isn't sure how to help it except by cutting pieces of himself off and setting fires. he wants to push her away, but never commits - like he's protecting himself from being left behind, thinking he needs to be solitary.]
Is it so frightening, to think that that you'd number among those I love?
no subject
( deep within the lowest stratum of his mind, if he was still like this, it is. it's brutal, painful, and even sends a shiver down his spine. )
It's dangerous.
( a storm, a fire, the world cracking in two when someone thinks to take komaeda as their ally. it's painful because exposed wounds can be considered a weakness, and ones already dressed will have their bandages ripped off to test their tolerance. there's worse than a gash, there's worse than losing someone, there's worse like being loved knowing you'll destroy them in mere seconds and can't stop them.
his prosthetic lifts to wring the wrist of his other, the yellow scarf is also a reminder of how he's part of the number, but komaeda can't handle it. it's only so long before they despise him, say his efforts were meaningless, it's only until that they exclude him, but it's fine — that's always the goal, for their hope, he doesn't mind being hated by them all.
yet, it's lonely. )
...A puzzle, one thousand pieces, it took so much time to finish it, but you learn the company gave you one stray piece that doesn't fit. It must have fell out of another box, but it's not the final piece of the puzzle that'll complete your hard work. That bad piece gives you hope thinking, "maybe I didn't clean out the box...!" So you stand up on your own two feet, you dash into your room and look for the box it came in! You're out of breath, hopeful, hoping, wanting to grab the lid to pull up above your head to check if every puzzle piece didn't drop out.
( what is he getting at with this story? ) Your heart drops, you put together that entire puzzle, but there's no end in sight. You wasted your time all because of that other stray piece that you thought was part of the group.
Your arms shake, and you're ready to lower the box. That's when something fall out from the inner lid... the exact piece that you wanted. Doesn't that make you hopeful, surprised even? Happy that you can finally finish what you've worked so hard on...?
( komaeda's that stray piece, he does things no one likes in order to see them work harder and be more hopeful, but he knows he's tossed away after the fact. )
no subject
[because she is herself, and because things that are not quite fitting in aren't immediately worthy of disposal. she gets his point, that he'd push another to exert themselves to find the best solution, the best outcome, but does that mean that his role is over? no. it does not mean he is not still cherished for his existence alone. she's made her decision, and even if others think it silly, the more adamant she becomes, the more compassion flows out.
she can tell when loneliness clings to someone, sticky as tree sap and as difficult to remove. and Nagito has tipped his hand, over and over again. because he cares, he pushes away. because he cares, he does things that others will not, cannot. his words are a maze to some, but to a mind that has spent years surrounding herself with metaphor and allusion and details, they are as easy as if they were spelled out beneath her hands.]
Because I want to enjoy it for its own sake. For the fact that it exists at all.