[ The 29th is a whirlwind of pain. On the 1st, Nanami's got a lot of things on her mind still. And one of them is the anguished screams that brought her to Sun 2 in the first place.
It doesn't take too much effort to track down Helena's room; but gaining the strength to know what to say takes longer, so it's mid-afternoon or so before Nanami's quietly knocking on the door of Star 1. ]
H-Helena-san, ... ? It's Nanami... I wanted to... [ She hesitates. What is it she wants? ] I just wanted to see you... I think.
[the girl that answers the door is far more subdued, compared to the girl Nanami met in the amusement park. she's up and dressed, her hair is brushed, but she's paler, and there's no hint of a smile. just a quiet dullness, but still polite, even if her heart wants to return to wrapping herself up in her blankets and trying to think.]
Hello, Miss Chiaki.
[easier to separate her roommate and her twin like that - in a better mood, she could have asked her opinion on the nicknames she'd thought of, but right now, simplest is best.]
Is everything all right?
[old habits of formality, of politeness. routines work best.]
[Lucifer's already pushed soup on her, so she's eaten at least one meal and she knows that Shin will give her whatever facts from class that're needed if she takes more days off - her and Subaru won't fall behind, when they can manage.]
Um...I know this may sound a little odd, but if you or someone you know could make a sandwich and put it in the refrigerator, and put Subaru's name on it...he'll need to have something later. I'd be quite grateful for it.
[and it will be easier if he doesn't have to exert the effort, and if she doesn't have to stand there, forgetting herself and trying to not be vaguely repulsed by the idea of food.]
[ It takes a few seconds for her to register what that means - Subaru was close to them, too.
She hesitates. She wants to help, but doesn't want to intrude. So she sticks to facts. ] There's a cairn for them in the forest, too. A little clearing near the back of the dorms. Sara and I built it out of rocks.
[there's some kind of metaphor to be made, she thinks, about Rantarou and his travels and being remembered in something to provide safe passage. even with her heart wounded, she can appreciate that.]
Thank you. It's the closest thing to a gravestone we can provide.
[she steps back from the door, going to the closet. while she doesn't open the door all the way, Nanami can probably see a glimpse of the hammock that has blankets and a few stuffed animals on it, undone as if someone had climbed out to answer the door. the ceiling in this room is glass, and so the daylight pours down as if through a giant window.
coming back to Nanami, she has her coat over her arm and her cane in hand.]
All right! [ Nanami's a bit surprised but definitely delighted that Helena's up for going. ] It's just behind the dorms.
[ She doesn't know the best way to lead Helena there, but she figures that Helena's lived in the school long enough to know her way around there. She walks just a little bit ahead and to the side of Helena, keeping an eye on her as they leave the dorms.
Outside, a cold wind is blowing, causing the wisteria tree's leaves to rustle. Nanami looks up, uneasily reminded of the day she arrived. And how they were here to greet-- her heart twists. ]
I-it's just past the edge of the forest. My hand's in front of you if that'll help.
[her cane guides her, the little taps providing enough information to move by. she's walked this path much, anyway, from going to build snow bunnies to sledding to trying to push against the barrier and not making it out. now, she's not going with a joyful purpose, but a purpose all the same.]
Thank you. But I've got it...just lead me to the where.
Okay. [ It just takes her a couple seconds to find the right path leading out of the clearing - it's started to get worn down a bit, but there's still plenty of grass, softly crunching under her feet as she walks the path.
First she finds the tree that Sara found her under the previous day, wind whistling through its trees - then she makes a left, pushes through some taller weeds and past a couple bushes in order to get to the right spot. She checks behind her every couple seconds to make sure Helena's following well enough. ]
It's just here. [ She stops in front of the little cairn - a small pile of gacha rocks, surrounded by a little circle of the same rocks to mark a memorial site. ]
It's... a little bit for all of them. Even if I didn't know the Arisus, really...
[she's quiet, coming nearer to it, and when she's close enough, she stops and kneels on the ground, the damp earth cold through the fabric of her skirt. it feels right, it feels sacred, like approaching an altar to pray. only, she doesn't want to pray if someone else can hear her - not these kind of prayers.]
You said Miss Chidouin helped you, as well?
[even in her grief, she still bears that silent resentment, and so Sara gets her last name.]
Mm... [ She keeps defaulting to last names anyway by instinct, so she doesn't really notice Helena's veiled intent with the wording. ]
It was her idea... I helped build it, though.
[ Shuffling awkwardly on her feet, grass crunching under her. Rubbing her fingers against the buttons on her game console, in her pocket, for comfort. ]
They're not here for me to be kind to... it's for us, I guess. I needed a place to... think about all this. Maybe talk to them a little.
[it's an honest question, born of a grieving heart. asked softly, as she stays where she is, bringing her cane across her lap to keep her steady.
breathing. if she was a worse person, uncontrolled by her education, her will, she'd want to scream at the heavens for the injustice of making death hurt again.]
[ Two, she'd never met. One, only in passing, at meetings and in the hallways. But the fourth was who had brought horrified tears to her eyes the previous day. She lowers her gaze. ]
I only have memories from the last few weeks... even though I was here before. But... Arata-san and I made the school store posters together. They helped me at a time when I needed it. We talked, and played games together...
[ Her voice falters and dies. It hadn't been enough. There's never enough time. All the time spent with Keigo and she barely knew them. ]
What about you, Helena-san? [ She already... guesses, that Helena knew both of them better. The shrieks and sobs from the previous day aren't something she'll easily forget. ]
[her hands fiddle with the cane on her lap, and she wonders how much to tell. that Rantarou was the first person to treat her with kindness here. that she's held Keigo when they were small and big alike, her clothes stained with their tears and their name given to her like a blessing.]
I knew them well.
[it's not a game to be won, this pain.]
...Sorry, Miss Chiaki, but I think I want to be alone for a little while.
[before she weeps again, salts the earth with it, and falls to pieces in a grief that wants to bitterly lash out at anything that comes near.]
Of course. [ It's a completely understandable request. Nanami would hear more if Helena wanted to offer it, today or another day...
But she was surprised Helena was alright with spending as much time with Nanami as she did, after yesterday. And Nanami goes to the cairn as a place to privately grieve, too... ]
I'll go make Subaru-kun's sandwich. I'll talk to you later, Helena-san.
[ And she's traipsing back to the school, her soft footsteps in the grass receding as she returns home. ]
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3/1
It doesn't take too much effort to track down Helena's room; but gaining the strength to know what to say takes longer, so it's mid-afternoon or so before Nanami's quietly knocking on the door of Star 1. ]
H-Helena-san, ... ? It's Nanami... I wanted to... [ She hesitates. What is it she wants? ] I just wanted to see you... I think.
no subject
Hello, Miss Chiaki.
[easier to separate her roommate and her twin like that - in a better mood, she could have asked her opinion on the nicknames she'd thought of, but right now, simplest is best.]
Is everything all right?
[old habits of formality, of politeness. routines work best.]
no subject
I wanted to see how you were doing. [ A hesitation. ] And... to see if there's anything I can do for you, too.
[ Starting with offers for help. But she's also sort of here because... grief's a hard thing to go through entirely alone, she's finding. ]
no subject
[Lucifer's already pushed soup on her, so she's eaten at least one meal and she knows that Shin will give her whatever facts from class that're needed if she takes more days off - her and Subaru won't fall behind, when they can manage.]
Um...I know this may sound a little odd, but if you or someone you know could make a sandwich and put it in the refrigerator, and put Subaru's name on it...he'll need to have something later. I'd be quite grateful for it.
[and it will be easier if he doesn't have to exert the effort, and if she doesn't have to stand there, forgetting herself and trying to not be vaguely repulsed by the idea of food.]
no subject
[ It takes a few seconds for her to register what that means - Subaru was close to them, too.
She hesitates. She wants to help, but doesn't want to intrude. So she sticks to facts. ] There's a cairn for them in the forest, too. A little clearing near the back of the dorms. Sara and I built it out of rocks.
no subject
[there's some kind of metaphor to be made, she thinks, about Rantarou and his travels and being remembered in something to provide safe passage. even with her heart wounded, she can appreciate that.]
Thank you. It's the closest thing to a gravestone we can provide.
no subject
[ She makes a mental note to make something for her class, too. (It's a good excuse to play the rock gacha some more. ]
I can show you some time! But I don't want to disturb you too much right now.
no subject
[she steps back from the door, going to the closet. while she doesn't open the door all the way, Nanami can probably see a glimpse of the hammock that has blankets and a few stuffed animals on it, undone as if someone had climbed out to answer the door. the ceiling in this room is glass, and so the daylight pours down as if through a giant window.
coming back to Nanami, she has her coat over her arm and her cane in hand.]
Okay, I'm ready/
no subject
[ She doesn't know the best way to lead Helena there, but she figures that Helena's lived in the school long enough to know her way around there. She walks just a little bit ahead and to the side of Helena, keeping an eye on her as they leave the dorms.
Outside, a cold wind is blowing, causing the wisteria tree's leaves to rustle. Nanami looks up, uneasily reminded of the day she arrived. And how they were here to greet-- her heart twists. ]
I-it's just past the edge of the forest. My hand's in front of you if that'll help.
no subject
Thank you. But I've got it...just lead me to the where.
no subject
First she finds the tree that Sara found her under the previous day, wind whistling through its trees - then she makes a left, pushes through some taller weeds and past a couple bushes in order to get to the right spot. She checks behind her every couple seconds to make sure Helena's following well enough. ]
It's just here. [ She stops in front of the little cairn - a small pile of gacha rocks, surrounded by a little circle of the same rocks to mark a memorial site. ]
It's... a little bit for all of them. Even if I didn't know the Arisus, really...
no subject
[she's quiet, coming nearer to it, and when she's close enough, she stops and kneels on the ground, the damp earth cold through the fabric of her skirt. it feels right, it feels sacred, like approaching an altar to pray. only, she doesn't want to pray if someone else can hear her - not these kind of prayers.]
You said Miss Chidouin helped you, as well?
[even in her grief, she still bears that silent resentment, and so Sara gets her last name.]
no subject
It was her idea... I helped build it, though.
[ Shuffling awkwardly on her feet, grass crunching under her. Rubbing her fingers against the buttons on her game console, in her pocket, for comfort. ]
They're not here for me to be kind to... it's for us, I guess. I needed a place to... think about all this. Maybe talk to them a little.
no subject
[it's an honest question, born of a grieving heart. asked softly, as she stays where she is, bringing her cane across her lap to keep her steady.
breathing. if she was a worse person, uncontrolled by her education, her will, she'd want to scream at the heavens for the injustice of making death hurt again.]
no subject
I only have memories from the last few weeks... even though I was here before. But... Arata-san and I made the school store posters together. They helped me at a time when I needed it. We talked, and played games together...
[ Her voice falters and dies. It hadn't been enough. There's never enough time. All the time spent with Keigo and she barely knew them. ]
What about you, Helena-san? [ She already... guesses, that Helena knew both of them better. The shrieks and sobs from the previous day aren't something she'll easily forget. ]
no subject
I knew them well.
[it's not a game to be won, this pain.]
...Sorry, Miss Chiaki, but I think I want to be alone for a little while.
[before she weeps again, salts the earth with it, and falls to pieces in a grief that wants to bitterly lash out at anything that comes near.]
no subject
But she was surprised Helena was alright with spending as much time with Nanami as she did, after yesterday. And Nanami goes to the cairn as a place to privately grieve, too... ]
I'll go make Subaru-kun's sandwich. I'll talk to you later, Helena-san.
[ And she's traipsing back to the school, her soft footsteps in the grass receding as she returns home. ]