...Very little, I'm afraid. I got Security to tell me what was in the black binder, after Skulduggery removed it - I hadn't had the courage to ask someone before - but beyond that, I feel as if I'm grasping at something where I barely understand what I'm supposed to be reaching for.
[she shrugs, but it's clear this is something that bothers her.]
There's parts of it I get, and parts that feel like...I'd say that I can't see them, but that's a poor analogy. Rather, I can't find the melody to listen to. And I want to, because without it, how are we supposed to help each other? How are we supposed to help the Captain?
Before you got here, we used to. Share information more freely amongst the passengers, when we believed in the common goal of escape. Skulduggery was one of the few that dedicated himself to unraveling the mystery of the Captain, he is a detective after all. And I a spy. It was... natural for us to team up and theorize. [a small laugh, remembering how they met at the photo gallery, where she instantly recognized another paranoid conspiracy type on sight.]
Skulduggery put the black binder together as an easily accessible... well, sorry, mostly. Resource to passengers, about what was collectively learned. But by the time his relationship with the Captain was revealed at the wedding, a substantial group turned against him and his efforts. Started doubting the veracity, and his intentions. Even though he had been, for so long, in favor of making sure everyone got the way out they desired. [but now with everything on the line, she knows choices will have to be made.]
And then. You know, Christmas happened. [Ava takes a seat with a heavy sigh.] And it became apparent, just as I warned him, that there were passengers among us that we could not trust with what we were finding out. That their intentions weren't just escape, but overthrowing and destruction of this reality at all costs. Binding or killing of the Captain to prevent him from doing this again. I tried to talk to them, at their mutiny meeting and individually, about compromise and negotiation, about compassion and how the Captain was... learning to care. That things could be better if we... [Ava swallows roughly, knows she's talking a lot.]
But they've made it clear that they have no interest in working together. And so I've run out of people to turn to, people that Skulduggery and I can trust to not seek to actively harm the Captain or this place.
[carefully, she moves towards the couch, and just listens. Ava will see what passes across her face, the thoughtful consideration, the concern as she addresses what happened at the wedding. it had been momentous, she knew, but not how deep it ran. and not what fissures it unlocked in the passengers, people who would doubt him for...falling in love? when that makes it all the more reliable, because who would declare such things as being photographs without substantial cause to believe? why would he not make a better story, if it was all false? why would he risk everything with an attachment?
it flickers when she says destruction, but when Ava says the word binding, it's larger. a subtle thing, but a reflex that runs through her all the same, a tightening of her hands on her cane. she doesn't understand, doesn't understand it, and Ava will understand why in a subtle way. that assurance Emily gave, of people working together despite their internal differences, in the face of something else. being bound to someone else's control, again - no. no, she can't accept that. just destroying this place, and condemning them all, not when there was the chance that all of them could be happy, could be safe - how do they not understand? how is that path closed to them? she swallows, hard, sitting down.
there is so much she does not know, but one thing is very, very known to her.
those people don't want to work together? fine, Helena thinks. I'll save them anyway.
[she watches Helena's reactions carefully, with more context now to understand the situation the young woman herself came from. the parallels between there and here as the doctor described to her the game that surely could not be won. except this place has never offered false promises of prizes. the Captain has never tried to convince them there was some hope if only they played along.
but she knows despite all odds Helena holds onto hope and kindness where there doesn't seem to be any at all. and that's a bit of what they need right now.]
That's... unfortunately the problem. We're at this breaking point where the only options seem both impossible and not ideal. That no matter which path we take, we might lose everything.
All I can really ask of you is your secrecy. Anything else is up to you.
I can do that. But Ava...if there's anything I can do, I want to help you.
[she pauses, trying to figure out how to say this.]
You...were there. There wasn't anyone there like the Captain to talk to, to try to improve things. So that alone already gives me a sense that things can be changed, for the better. Tell me what I can do, and I'll do it.
I know you do... you've always been patient and willing to listen to my side when so few others have. [fondly]
Right now all I need is... for you to do that again. And share any insights or perspectives you might have. We're low on allies, low on ideas. The Captain has told Skulduggery that it's up to us, what happens next. And we can't do this alone.
Anything you might think is helpful, even the smallest detail.
We're operating with such limited information as it is. Even the Captain himself cannot remember, seems incapable of remembering. When he put Friday in charge of operating so much of the ship, those orders seemed to include to hide terrible secrets from even himself.
I don't want to overwhelm you with information all at once. So please ask me for any elaboration or clarification as you need. But I want you to know how we got to this moment, as far as I've been able to figure out.
These memories that we've been stepping into, there was one that didn't seem to belong to anyone on board that I know of. I know I can't know everyone, but it was as if I was only a witness. Something about a council, and a ship being given up, and a woman who was being called "Your Grace" and called herself immortal. She was infuriated...I wrote it all down, afterwards - I still can't figure out who it was of. That's the first thing that comes to my mind, if it's at all helpful.
[Ava listens curiously, because she has been trying to poke around memories for the possibility of more information, despite her wariness that there's more danger to those cracks than obvious.]
A ship... well, we used to have several pirates aboard, but they're mostly all gone now. The passengers that immediately come to mind are... Tendi, she was part of starfleet. And Ari. She also was aboard... spaceships, I believe? And then Jenny. The storm goddess. She's the passenger from a previous voyage who won her so-called freedom from here, and her own ship to travel. She came back almost a year ago, looking for her brothers. Almost destroyed everything in her desperate search for their souls. We hadn't seen her again, until... the island that the Captain sent us to. Everyone else had a party on the beach, while Skulduggery and a few of us went on a search for a missing item, a lost memory.
We found Jenny there. Helped us through the cursed temple. She... nearly died, and Friday asked to save her. But the only way of doing so was tying her back to the ship, trapping her here yet again. It's a very sad story...
But we... were wondering what happened to her ship. If she wrecked it or... [taking in the implications of giving it up, a council...]
....The woman in what I witnessed talked about her brothers. The other person there did as well. Said something like "if you die, the memory of your brothers dies with you."
[Jenny. she hasn't met her, but that's because Helena mostly minds her own business.]
Do you think it was one of Jenny's recollections, that I heard?
It's one of her brothers that I... summoned, recently. To very unfortunate results.
But a council. Did it sound as if she... possibly told somebody. About the Captain, and where we are? And gave them the ship? But why, for what in return?
[said softly, and Helena folds her hands on her lap.]
I have it all written out - I can make you a copy, if you can read braille. I'll have to translate, if you can, but if you can't then I could read it to you and you could write it down.
Like I mentioned, the Captain had a few of us retrieve a lost object of his from a cursed temple on an island. A real place, not just one of his constructions. It was a memory, of what he was. And we've tried to hold that secret close, to prevent anyone from using it against him. Because as powerful of a magical being he is, he is one that's spent most of his life in servitude. Used as a source, neglected and locked away... until he killed his master and became free.
But I'm afraid that he's... maybe gone and done the same to himself. [sounds doubtful, as if she doesn't quite believe her own conclusions despite all the evidence pointing her that way. there has to be something else she's missing.] And then made himself forget, tasking Friday with protecting that secret and that part of himself that he sealed away.
...Security said something similar, at one point. That this place....becoming powerful, it was all so that he could never be controlled again. And I think he deserves his freedom, as much as anyone else does. No one deserves that kind of fate.
[she knows, she's avoiding the big question - what they should do now, though. what does it mean, to injure yourself like that?]
Yes, his intentions to become a god were never for glory or worship or divine justice. Just to prevent himself from being recaptured. I've always feared that he created a situation too complex and dangerous that even he could not escape what he's done, but I didn't imagine this.
I'm not quite sure how much of himself is sealed away, or for how much longer. Friday said she was holding onto the part of the Captain that used to be loved. Valdis said he's claimed to not have a soul, so maybe his own soul was the first to build this ship. But he's contacted Fio through her dreams, had her give him a name, asked her to remember him. And Friday warned her, warned Skulduggery that the Captain knowing could be the end of reality. I've tried to keep it secret, but right now it feels as if... well, Friday's jumped off the ship because Crabb admitted to her that she's interfered with the sigils, the Captain made himself forget all of this seemingly deliberately.
Wait - there's a lot you just said at once. He's contacting people via dreams, Miss Friday is holding onto a part of him, Miss Crabb changed sigils and Miss Friday leaving us all to what, fend for ourselves now?
[she's trying to keep up, she really is.
half mumbled:]
Patricia and Fiona would be so much better at this...
It's... a lot, I know. [apologetic, waiting for any questions she may clarify.]
Valdis believes Friday made a last attempt at stopping whatever we... I... might have unleashed. But there's more of those cracks forming. I don't know how much longer things can hold up before it... breaks.
[a small frown, knows what it's like to believe somebody else could handle any of this better.] Sometimes I wish I were anyone but me, that I've made any choices but the ones I make. But if this were meant to be easy, somebody else would have figured it out by now...
What do you mean, what you unleashed? Ava, please slow down - I don't know what any of that before means.
[she hates it, it's clear, because it makes her sound whiny, stupid. but she feels like she's trying to navigate an unfamiliar room without her cane and someone expects her to already know where the furniture is before they start telling her it's made of oakwood.]
I don't know what you mean by sigils, I don't know why Miss Friday's got the Captain's soul, I didn't know he was dreamwalking - I only got the information in the binder two months ago, and that now feels horrifically outdated. Please...assume I don't know what you're talking about.
[was this known, and she just missed it? has she been that idiotic this whole time? lord, but she would deserve a second death right here for that.]
Sorry... [she pauses to slow herself down, try to reorganize her scrambled thoughts.] I don't even remember what was and wasn't in the black binder.
I don't know much about sigils either, other than they're... some sort of magical spell that's drawn out. A specific intricate shape that somehow holds power. I've only seen Jenny use them, but the Captain does too. He's said before if he's killed, his sigils would fail and the magic holding this place together would collapse. Crabb went investigating... and came across some drawn on a wall, but she didn't know what sigils are either. She touched them, which caused the shape to smear. I can only guess that weakens the magic, if it's contained within that design.
Crabb tried to take pictures but it broke her phone. She tried to draw what she saw, but when I looked... we could only see strange spirals instead. When Crabb tried to get her phone fixed by Friday, Friday realized what had been done and she tossed herself overboard and has not returned.
I'm not entirely sure if it's his soul that Friday is holding, but she is holding a part of him by her own words. Valdis mentioned he believes he does not have a soul. Which is why I think... that might be what Friday is keeping. Sealed away somewhere on the ship, maybe as a power source... or maybe just to keep him safe from being discovered by anyone that wants to enslave him again. Keeping it secret from even himself.
If you don't know the answer, they can't torture it out of you.
[half murmured, but given the experiences she and others have been through, that makes more sense than anything else. instead, she's quiet for a moment, thinking about everything Ava just explained, feeling more pieces click into place, before-
she groans, leaning her head back.]
Is that why I haven't been sleeping in my cabin for weeks now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[she shrugs, but it's clear this is something that bothers her.]
There's parts of it I get, and parts that feel like...I'd say that I can't see them, but that's a poor analogy. Rather, I can't find the melody to listen to. And I want to, because without it, how are we supposed to help each other? How are we supposed to help the Captain?
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Skulduggery put the black binder together as an easily accessible... well, sorry, mostly. Resource to passengers, about what was collectively learned. But by the time his relationship with the Captain was revealed at the wedding, a substantial group turned against him and his efforts. Started doubting the veracity, and his intentions. Even though he had been, for so long, in favor of making sure everyone got the way out they desired. [but now with everything on the line, she knows choices will have to be made.]
And then. You know, Christmas happened. [Ava takes a seat with a heavy sigh.] And it became apparent, just as I warned him, that there were passengers among us that we could not trust with what we were finding out. That their intentions weren't just escape, but overthrowing and destruction of this reality at all costs. Binding or killing of the Captain to prevent him from doing this again. I tried to talk to them, at their mutiny meeting and individually, about compromise and negotiation, about compassion and how the Captain was... learning to care. That things could be better if we... [Ava swallows roughly, knows she's talking a lot.]
But they've made it clear that they have no interest in working together. And so I've run out of people to turn to, people that Skulduggery and I can trust to not seek to actively harm the Captain or this place.
But both are in danger right now. We all are.
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it flickers when she says destruction, but when Ava says the word binding, it's larger. a subtle thing, but a reflex that runs through her all the same, a tightening of her hands on her cane. she doesn't understand, doesn't understand it, and Ava will understand why in a subtle way. that assurance Emily gave, of people working together despite their internal differences, in the face of something else. being bound to someone else's control, again - no. no, she can't accept that. just destroying this place, and condemning them all, not when there was the chance that all of them could be happy, could be safe - how do they not understand? how is that path closed to them? she swallows, hard, sitting down.
there is so much she does not know, but one thing is very, very known to her.
those people don't want to work together? fine, Helena thinks. I'll save them anyway.
a breath, and her hands relax.]
What can I do to help?
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but she knows despite all odds Helena holds onto hope and kindness where there doesn't seem to be any at all. and that's a bit of what they need right now.]
That's... unfortunately the problem. We're at this breaking point where the only options seem both impossible and not ideal. That no matter which path we take, we might lose everything.
All I can really ask of you is your secrecy. Anything else is up to you.
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[she pauses, trying to figure out how to say this.]
You...were there. There wasn't anyone there like the Captain to talk to, to try to improve things. So that alone already gives me a sense that things can be changed, for the better. Tell me what I can do, and I'll do it.
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Right now all I need is... for you to do that again. And share any insights or perspectives you might have. We're low on allies, low on ideas. The Captain has told Skulduggery that it's up to us, what happens next. And we can't do this alone.
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[setting her cane aside, it's her signal that she's here for the long haul, to be here for this conversation.]
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We're operating with such limited information as it is. Even the Captain himself cannot remember, seems incapable of remembering. When he put Friday in charge of operating so much of the ship, those orders seemed to include to hide terrible secrets from even himself.
I don't want to overwhelm you with information all at once. So please ask me for any elaboration or clarification as you need. But I want you to know how we got to this moment, as far as I've been able to figure out.
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[she nods, and thinks for a moment.]
These memories that we've been stepping into, there was one that didn't seem to belong to anyone on board that I know of. I know I can't know everyone, but it was as if I was only a witness. Something about a council, and a ship being given up, and a woman who was being called "Your Grace" and called herself immortal. She was infuriated...I wrote it all down, afterwards - I still can't figure out who it was of. That's the first thing that comes to my mind, if it's at all helpful.
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A ship... well, we used to have several pirates aboard, but they're mostly all gone now. The passengers that immediately come to mind are... Tendi, she was part of starfleet. And Ari. She also was aboard... spaceships, I believe? And then Jenny. The storm goddess. She's the passenger from a previous voyage who won her so-called freedom from here, and her own ship to travel. She came back almost a year ago, looking for her brothers. Almost destroyed everything in her desperate search for their souls. We hadn't seen her again, until... the island that the Captain sent us to. Everyone else had a party on the beach, while Skulduggery and a few of us went on a search for a missing item, a lost memory.
We found Jenny there. Helped us through the cursed temple. She... nearly died, and Friday asked to save her. But the only way of doing so was tying her back to the ship, trapping her here yet again. It's a very sad story...
But we... were wondering what happened to her ship. If she wrecked it or... [taking in the implications of giving it up, a council...]
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[Jenny. she hasn't met her, but that's because Helena mostly minds her own business.]
Do you think it was one of Jenny's recollections, that I heard?
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It's one of her brothers that I... summoned, recently. To very unfortunate results.
But a council. Did it sound as if she... possibly told somebody. About the Captain, and where we are? And gave them the ship? But why, for what in return?
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[said softly, and Helena folds her hands on her lap.]
I have it all written out - I can make you a copy, if you can read braille. I'll have to translate, if you can, but if you can't then I could read it to you and you could write it down.
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Well. It's troubling. Because if outsiders find us... we have way more to fear than I thought.
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[please don't go gray, Ava.]
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... [but everything feels increasingly impossible to keep herself calm. at least Helena is a grounding presence for her.]
But I wanted to share with you what I've found out. And what I think is going on.
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[what are they really up against? why is it impossible?]
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But I'm afraid that he's... maybe gone and done the same to himself. [sounds doubtful, as if she doesn't quite believe her own conclusions despite all the evidence pointing her that way. there has to be something else she's missing.] And then made himself forget, tasking Friday with protecting that secret and that part of himself that he sealed away.
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[she knows, she's avoiding the big question - what they should do now, though. what does it mean, to injure yourself like that?]
But if he's his own jailer...
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I'm not quite sure how much of himself is sealed away, or for how much longer. Friday said she was holding onto the part of the Captain that used to be loved. Valdis said he's claimed to not have a soul, so maybe his own soul was the first to build this ship. But he's contacted Fio through her dreams, had her give him a name, asked her to remember him. And Friday warned her, warned Skulduggery that the Captain knowing could be the end of reality. I've tried to keep it secret, but right now it feels as if... well, Friday's jumped off the ship because Crabb admitted to her that she's interfered with the sigils, the Captain made himself forget all of this seemingly deliberately.
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[she's trying to keep up, she really is.
half mumbled:]
Patricia and Fiona would be so much better at this...
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Valdis believes Friday made a last attempt at stopping whatever we... I... might have unleashed. But there's more of those cracks forming. I don't know how much longer things can hold up before it... breaks.
[a small frown, knows what it's like to believe somebody else could handle any of this better.] Sometimes I wish I were anyone but me, that I've made any choices but the ones I make. But if this were meant to be easy, somebody else would have figured it out by now...
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[she hates it, it's clear, because it makes her sound whiny, stupid. but she feels like she's trying to navigate an unfamiliar room without her cane and someone expects her to already know where the furniture is before they start telling her it's made of oakwood.]
I don't know what you mean by sigils, I don't know why Miss Friday's got the Captain's soul, I didn't know he was dreamwalking - I only got the information in the binder two months ago, and that now feels horrifically outdated. Please...assume I don't know what you're talking about.
[was this known, and she just missed it? has she been that idiotic this whole time? lord, but she would deserve a second death right here for that.]
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I don't know much about sigils either, other than they're... some sort of magical spell that's drawn out. A specific intricate shape that somehow holds power. I've only seen Jenny use them, but the Captain does too. He's said before if he's killed, his sigils would fail and the magic holding this place together would collapse. Crabb went investigating... and came across some drawn on a wall, but she didn't know what sigils are either. She touched them, which caused the shape to smear. I can only guess that weakens the magic, if it's contained within that design.
Crabb tried to take pictures but it broke her phone. She tried to draw what she saw, but when I looked... we could only see strange spirals instead. When Crabb tried to get her phone fixed by Friday, Friday realized what had been done and she tossed herself overboard and has not returned.
I'm not entirely sure if it's his soul that Friday is holding, but she is holding a part of him by her own words. Valdis mentioned he believes he does not have a soul. Which is why I think... that might be what Friday is keeping. Sealed away somewhere on the ship, maybe as a power source... or maybe just to keep him safe from being discovered by anyone that wants to enslave him again. Keeping it secret from even himself.
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[half murmured, but given the experiences she and others have been through, that makes more sense than anything else. instead, she's quiet for a moment, thinking about everything Ava just explained, feeling more pieces click into place, before-
she groans, leaning her head back.]
Is that why I haven't been sleeping in my cabin for weeks now.
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