If it was just taking an interest alone, that'd be one problem. One she could bury herself in books over, shyly broach the topic with others. That hands her a bundle of nerves that she has to untangle on her own. But the first part is still turning and turning over in her head.
Sitting up, she brings her knees closer, holding herself. When she speaks, it's softer, slowly opening her metaphorical hands to let Erin peer inside.
"It's not that. If it were just me, I'd be fine. It's more...how do I say what I feel in the right way? How do I indicate it without it being misinterpreted, or making things terribly uncomfortable or awkward? I don't want to presume anything, or misstep, and something goes completely awry? I want them to come out of the day still wanting my company, even if that means we just skip it altogether."
Helena hasn't said a name, but Erin is smart. Someone who listens, who was in the room very recently when Helena was recovering from electrocution. Who's definitely noticed that at least once, Helena's phone has murmured that there's a new message, and she chooses to take it out of her roommate's earshot. Little things that add up, because she's not as good at hiding when it comes to situations that aren't life or death.
And even in the midst of her fretting and fears, Helena's heart still squeezes in that particular way, that little jolt in the Glamor that's sincere.
There's a pause, because she heard that too. Knows what Erin is saying in full, without giving her a chance to defend herself. And it's almost for the better, because even as her embarrassment is clear, it means she doesn't have to say it herself.
"...I think they do."
It's more than that. She knows, if what's been said is anything to go by. But to say that much to even Erin feels terribly, terribly vulnerable. Like her heart spilling on the floor, falling out of her hands, and at the same time her wanting to throw her own body in the way as a shield, not for her own sake, but for...
Uncurling herself enough to open her arms is as loud a yes as is needed, only speaking again when she is being hugged.
"It makes me so happy. But it's also so frightening. Which might be stupid, because I've faced down things that want to destroy me again and again and they didn't make me feel like this."
Erin wraps her wings around Helena and holds her close. Her feathers are warm and soft. "It was said that the common man feared Ares, god of war, but the wise trembled in terror at Aphrodite. Love can be like that; glorious and terrible, uplifting and terrifying, unstoppable. But, little bird...they already love you. There's nothing more, or less, you need to do than to be you. Maybe don't make a big deal out of the day itself...but I bet if you ask them to spend it with you, they will."
They had just spoken about that earlier in the day, actually. Which might explain why her feelings are breaking down the door at the moment, because that had been a lot to go through in a short period of time, on the heels of how she feels to have people accept her tokens.
"It's not," Erin agrees. "But to quote a wise man, love is not a noun. It's verb, like struggle. To love is to strive. You don't need to get it perfect. You just need to keep striving."
Another nonverbal sound, but that of assent. It's not like she doesn't know how to struggle, how to strive even when everything feels impossible.
And then, burrowing her face into Erin's clothes, there's a mumbled phrase that really...can't be made out. She feels like a child for it, for not being direct, but this whole allowing herself to be known is stretching muscles in a new and currently painful way. But she should tell her, so Erin can be happy for her the way she's happy for her and all her girlfriends.
"If it helps, lass, Security confessed its feelings about you to me already." A gentle squeeze in the hug. "It's a delight to know y'all make each other happy."
At least like this Erin can't see the expression that makes her pull, the little heart skip beat that she feels to think that Erin knew earlier than this, and then the grateful relief that it wasn't said to her earlier.
She turns her head so her words won't get muffled again.
"...we're going to the carnival."
As in, actually asked and promised to go together. There. You can be happy for her.
"Oooo! Have fun, little bird! You might catch me around engaged in the sacred tradition of winning entirely too many prizes for my girls, imma slap on eyeballs for it." There probably won't be any carnies to astound, which is half the fun, but such is death. "Security likes being high up, if that gives ya any thoughts on activities."
Even if she can't admire the view, the feeling will be nice. It's the exact reason she wants to go on things that are fast, and she already knows she likes roller coasters.
"But I'm sure both of us are going to be experiencing something new. It's never been to one, and my version is surely much less...modern."
But at the same time, she's been holding that message of I'm looking forward to it. in her mind since it was given.
"Liquid cheddar. If someone offers you loaded fries those are great too but they'll be a different affair, usually with ground beef and jalapeno." Erin sighs in contentment. "Fucking love fair food."
"That might get romantic, sharing dessert is a bit traditional but Security doesn't like new food textures." Erin hums thoughtfully. "Regardless, funnel cakes and elephant ears, which if I remember right are actually old as fuck. Shaved ice for walking around so y'all stay hydrated. Otherwise? Find Max Maximum. Place your culinary life in his hands."
"Well then - CHURROS!" Erin's voice is all excitement. "Get you some fucking churros girl - stick-shaped pastries dipped in cinnamon sugar, they're to fucking die for. Mexican treat, became common fair food, they're soft and filling."
"I can only get one, because if the stories I've read are any indication, I'm going to be trying a lot of things in a very short period of time."
And she's going to cut off a piece to bring back for Johnny, because he's going to get a small assortment of things to try. This is her plan for his future.
"Good food, entertainment...and spending time with someone."
"Oooooone more thing," Erin says, lifting a finger. "Get some not-me person to find sunscreen. The spa or the infirmary should have it, in theory, but it's gonna be a lot of walking around outdoors in the hot sun. Ideally we like, pile it up near the entranceway so everyone can apply it on the way out, but I for one will burn to a fuckin' crisp. Not a souvenir you want."
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Sitting up, she brings her knees closer, holding herself. When she speaks, it's softer, slowly opening her metaphorical hands to let Erin peer inside.
"It's not that. If it were just me, I'd be fine. It's more...how do I say what I feel in the right way? How do I indicate it without it being misinterpreted, or making things terribly uncomfortable or awkward? I don't want to presume anything, or misstep, and something goes completely awry? I want them to come out of the day still wanting my company, even if that means we just skip it altogether."
Helena hasn't said a name, but Erin is smart. Someone who listens, who was in the room very recently when Helena was recovering from electrocution. Who's definitely noticed that at least once, Helena's phone has murmured that there's a new message, and she chooses to take it out of her roommate's earshot. Little things that add up, because she's not as good at hiding when it comes to situations that aren't life or death.
And even in the midst of her fretting and fears, Helena's heart still squeezes in that particular way, that little jolt in the Glamor that's sincere.
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She asks, already knowing the answer.
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"...I think they do."
It's more than that. She knows, if what's been said is anything to go by. But to say that much to even Erin feels terribly, terribly vulnerable. Like her heart spilling on the floor, falling out of her hands, and at the same time her wanting to throw her own body in the way as a shield, not for her own sake, but for...
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Erin's wings rustle softly. She stands, crosses the room. The air near Helena is disturbed by a moving wing, sheltering her.
In a soft voice, "Would you like a hug?"
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"It makes me so happy. But it's also so frightening. Which might be stupid, because I've faced down things that want to destroy me again and again and they didn't make me feel like this."
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"...I just want it to feel safe around me."
Quiet, very quiet. If Erin knows, Erin knows.
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It's a gentle question. Erin's going somewhere with this.
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They had just spoken about that earlier in the day, actually. Which might explain why her feelings are breaking down the door at the moment, because that had been a lot to go through in a short period of time, on the heels of how she feels to have people accept her tokens.
"But that's not the same as safe."
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And then, burrowing her face into Erin's clothes, there's a mumbled phrase that really...can't be made out. She feels like a child for it, for not being direct, but this whole allowing herself to be known is stretching muscles in a new and currently painful way. But she should tell her, so Erin can be happy for her the way she's happy for her and all her girlfriends.
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She turns her head so her words won't get muffled again.
"...we're going to the carnival."
As in, actually asked and promised to go together. There. You can be happy for her.
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Even if she can't admire the view, the feeling will be nice. It's the exact reason she wants to go on things that are fast, and she already knows she likes roller coasters.
"But I'm sure both of us are going to be experiencing something new. It's never been to one, and my version is surely much less...modern."
But at the same time, she's been holding that message of I'm looking forward to it. in her mind since it was given.
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This is critically important.
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Does this sound childish? Yes. Does she know? Also yes.
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And she's going to cut off a piece to bring back for Johnny, because he's going to get a small assortment of things to try. This is her plan for his future.
"Good food, entertainment...and spending time with someone."
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She just knows if you keep on in the sun for long enough, you get tired.
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Wrap?