[ Which is, unfortunately for Darcy, not safely in her room. She's tucked up in a far corner of the sports deck, examining the charm, unaware it's going off. ]
[no reply, but Helena's coming to the sports deck. the tapping might give her away before anything else, before she's standing there, posture set in an almost resigned way.]
Darcy LeJeune, do you truly think I'd go to the trouble of making you a locator charm out of something from my life only to snatch it back at the slightest discord? Do you think I'm so weak willed?
[yes, she's breaking out the full name, because she doesn't know how else to voice this.]
If you don't wish to carry it, that's your own business, but the sentiments behind it haven't changed. Don't ask me if I want it back again.
How could I say anything when you simply disappeared on me?
[because to her, that's what it seemed like. that Darcy disappeared. she can't see magically, sound doesn't show her a shadow.]
I don't know what I did to upset you, though I rack my brain for it, and the only things I can come up with is that I expressed sincere concern for your safety and that I happen to be friends with my roommate. Who, it may surprise you to know, told me absolutely nothing about the fact that you and her have problems, and who I am displeased with for thrusting me in the midst of your disagreement.
We don't 'have problems', Erin's convinced that I'm a fucking shelter dog where if she doesn't intervene with everything I do, I'm going to become some awful monster. I didn't realize you were close. I don't drag everyone into my shit, unlike Erin, and it didn't come up before you tried to... you can't just yank me around like that. You can't.
"Yank you around?" I assure you, I was doing no such thing.
[and there's something under the edge of those words, the roughness of wood that flirts with splintering under your hands. for all Helena was irritated at the idea of Darcy giving the charm back, this hits somewhere else, and she doesn't like it at all, an old bruise renewed.]
You just showed up and tried to guilt me into not going through with it, that wasn't trying to- I'm not that dumb, Helena, I saw what you were doing. Nobody used to be able to pull this shit on me back home.
You thought I was trying to stop you? You thought I was trying to guilt you? Because I didn't want you to go into a dangerous situation alone?
[it's not loud. it's quiet, her usual volume. but there's something leaden in it, heavy, firm.]
Listen to me. Everything I said, I knew she could hear through that door. What I wasn't saying aloud is that Daisy wouldn't have dared to fight back with me in the room, whatever you did to her, because I could call the ship down on her head.
Do you really think that I think so little of you that I would deny you your anger like that?
[the words are ice, but it's up to Darcy's own perceptions if she hears the hurt under it. if she realizes how it makes Helena feel, to be so accused, as if she was that cruel, as if the friendship she offered was not sincere.]
[ It's like a bucket of ice water being dumped on her head. 'Whatever you did to her'. She's never had someone concerned for her safety such that they'd willingly go with her instead of stopping her. It wasn't even within the realm of possibility. ]
I did, [ Her voice is weak, ] I thought you were taking Erin's side. Nobody wants me to be angry here. It's... mmf. I'm sorry. I didn't know that's what you were offering.
Erin is currently concerned with blaming herself that Daisy went and did all of that. I am not on her side with this.
[it's blunt, but it conceals the depths beneath that. what caused it, why it happened, why Erin blames herself, those aren't things Darcy cares about, and not Helena's to share. that she's opened Erin's ribcage and unerringly laid her hands on her bearing heart, that's theirs to keep.]
The only thing I agree with her on is that killing her won't do any good. People come back here, so it's a useless form of revenge. But just because they come back doesn't mean it didn't happen. What you feel is still there. You can still be angry about it.
[and...she's going to sit down, to make this less of an interrogation.]
...I could have been clearer about things, though. I just didn't want her to overhear that I was going to let you be upset.
I wasn't going to kill her anyway. I just wanted to prove it would have fucking consequences next time. She can't just... get away with it. Erin can't expect me to roll over and just accept that she nearly murdered my closest friends, fucking emotionally traumatized two of them, and... what, nothing? Just move on with our shit?
[ She flexes her hand, only looking up when Helena sits down. ]
I wish she hadn't dragged you into it. It was my fight with Daisy, nobody else needed to get involved.
[a less aware person might argue that Skulduggery's situation had some similarities. born of something uncontrollable, leading to chaos and death and anguished feelings all around. but no one asked anyone to forgive the man - he openly requested his own death for it. he did his own work for amends. whatever Daisy does, it'll have to happen on her own terms. Erin can't shield her from that, and she'll say she won't try, but sometimes that means letting someone keep a knife on them to feel safe.]
That's something I'll have to talk with her about on our own time. I don't think I have the right words to bring it up yet without being...less kind.
[at the least.]
...Listen, Darcy. I hardly expect us to always be in agreement about things. That's just stupid to think. But even if we're disagreeing...all that I said, I meant. About the charm, and about caring about you. I want to know you're all right, or at the least, that you can get help if you need it.
[ Another echo of Phil's words. Funny how that seems to happen so often. One single lesson that goes on teaching her. Darcy's throat closes up, still so unsure how to handle a genuine offer of friendship like this. Of care. How to be cared for like this. Everyone else cushions it in friendly jabs or silent understanding, but Helena keeps offering it out so earnestly.
She swallows, ] Yeah- I want that too. For you, I mean. I want to know you're alright too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[excuse her. she's using it. Darcy won't know, won't have the awareness Helena does, but she's following where that signal is leading her.]
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Darcy LeJeune, do you truly think I'd go to the trouble of making you a locator charm out of something from my life only to snatch it back at the slightest discord? Do you think I'm so weak willed?
[yes, she's breaking out the full name, because she doesn't know how else to voice this.]
If you don't wish to carry it, that's your own business, but the sentiments behind it haven't changed. Don't ask me if I want it back again.
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[ She feels a little like she's being scolded by her grandmother and a lot like she needs a lawyer. ]
I didn't know how pissed you were at me about it. You didn't say anything afterwards, I was just... I don't know. Sorry.
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[because to her, that's what it seemed like. that Darcy disappeared. she can't see magically, sound doesn't show her a shadow.]
I don't know what I did to upset you, though I rack my brain for it, and the only things I can come up with is that I expressed sincere concern for your safety and that I happen to be friends with my roommate. Who, it may surprise you to know, told me absolutely nothing about the fact that you and her have problems, and who I am displeased with for thrusting me in the midst of your disagreement.
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[and there's something under the edge of those words, the roughness of wood that flirts with splintering under your hands. for all Helena was irritated at the idea of Darcy giving the charm back, this hits somewhere else, and she doesn't like it at all, an old bruise renewed.]
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[it's not loud. it's quiet, her usual volume. but there's something leaden in it, heavy, firm.]
Listen to me. Everything I said, I knew she could hear through that door. What I wasn't saying aloud is that Daisy wouldn't have dared to fight back with me in the room, whatever you did to her, because I could call the ship down on her head.
Do you really think that I think so little of you that I would deny you your anger like that?
[the words are ice, but it's up to Darcy's own perceptions if she hears the hurt under it. if she realizes how it makes Helena feel, to be so accused, as if she was that cruel, as if the friendship she offered was not sincere.]
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I did, [ Her voice is weak, ] I thought you were taking Erin's side. Nobody wants me to be angry here. It's... mmf. I'm sorry. I didn't know that's what you were offering.
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[it's blunt, but it conceals the depths beneath that. what caused it, why it happened, why Erin blames herself, those aren't things Darcy cares about, and not Helena's to share. that she's opened Erin's ribcage and unerringly laid her hands on her bearing heart, that's theirs to keep.]
The only thing I agree with her on is that killing her won't do any good. People come back here, so it's a useless form of revenge. But just because they come back doesn't mean it didn't happen. What you feel is still there. You can still be angry about it.
[and...she's going to sit down, to make this less of an interrogation.]
...I could have been clearer about things, though. I just didn't want her to overhear that I was going to let you be upset.
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[ She flexes her hand, only looking up when Helena sits down. ]
I wish she hadn't dragged you into it. It was my fight with Daisy, nobody else needed to get involved.
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That's something I'll have to talk with her about on our own time. I don't think I have the right words to bring it up yet without being...less kind.
[at the least.]
...Listen, Darcy. I hardly expect us to always be in agreement about things. That's just stupid to think. But even if we're disagreeing...all that I said, I meant. About the charm, and about caring about you. I want to know you're all right, or at the least, that you can get help if you need it.
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She swallows, ] Yeah- I want that too. For you, I mean. I want to know you're alright too.
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It's a pity that my signal can only reach one way. But at least on board, you can always message me, for anything.